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The right of the dial

Posted by keithosaunders on February 10, 2012

I spent the last weekend in Las Vegas visiting my father.  Having grown up in Brooklyn and Queens, my Dad is a lifelong Giants fan, and since my regular Sunday gig was cancelled due to the game, I decided to make the trek down to watch it with him.

This is the third time I’ve made the drive from the Bay Area to Vegas.  It is a deceptively long drive.  If you could drive on a direct angle from Berkeley to Vegas it would probably be a six or seven hour trip.  Thanks to the Sierra Nevada range, however, this is impossible.  You have to drive south to Bakersfield on I 5, cut over east on a 150 mile mountain pass road — rt 58 — and finally, at Barstow, turn North onto I 15.  It is a nine-hour drive, that is if you don’t stop.

Fortunately I love driving.  I’m an animal behind the wheel and can drive great distances without tiring.  All I need are some good sounds to spur me on and I’m happy.  I’ve driven cross-country on two consecutive years, with a third trip looming this summer as my oldest boy is going to be going to school back east.

After the game (and what a game!) I decided to drive home rather than have to wake up at 5AM the next morning.  I had to be back by Monday night for a gig and I knew I could make great time at night.

I know enough to pull over when I’m tired.  It’s amazing how effective a ten minute cat nap can be.  I ended up needing to take two of them — one at 2Am, and the other at 4AM.  I arrived home safe and sound at 5:30.

About halfway through the drive I decided to take a break from my ipod and tune in to some right-wing radio.  I expected to become upset while listening to their vitriol, but in the end I only felt a sense of bemusement and pity.

I mean, they’ve got nothing.  Literally nothing.   All they have to talk about is their hatred of Obama, and their love of the lord.  Obama is a socialist, and the lord is their savior.

I feel sorry for them.  They don’t want to talk about Romney — they hate him.  They’re embarrassed by Gingrich, because

a) he’s too smart for them

and

b) his checkered history disturbs them.

Ron Paul is too liberal for them, and even these nutcases realize that Santorum has no shot.

One host claimed to know exactly when Armageddon was coming, but you had to buy his book to find out when and how.  I’m sure it would be a great read but I’m going to save my thirty bucks.

I ended up staying with right-wing radio for a good hundred miles.  I couldn’t turn away.  It was extremely entertaining.

Posted in football, life, media | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

New Years in New York

Posted by keithosaunders on December 31, 2011

I have mixed feelings about being back in New York.  I am here for a week to play my New Years gig, which is a gig that pays enough to make it worth my while to fly out.  

The best part of being here is staying with my best friend, and occasional guest-blogger, Jeff Mazzei.  We get a chance to catch up on life, as well as watch sports with impunity.  This year we will get to experience the final Sunday of the NFL, which will feature much more meaningful games than usual, with the Giants v Cowboys topping the list.

To me New York represents my past, and with it, the unrealized dreams and potential of my youth.  It’s difficult to pass a street without its associated memory  and I find this both fascinating and disconcerting.  I am proud that I was able to thrive in this hyper-competitive city, but always regret that I was not able to accomplish more.  I’m sad to call myself a former New Yorker, and sheepish about being back.

I spent two months here this past summer and I find it amusing that the earth has managed to travel halfway around our solar system in my absence.  When last I was here the temperature was in the high 90s with humidity.  Now, with the trees bare of leaves, the temperature is a comfortable and unseasonably warm 45 degrees.  

Manhattan is rotten with tourists, and much to my chagrin and consternation, I am one of them.  The city smells like fear to me.  There are cops on every corner — who knows, perhaps we went to crimson-red on the terror color scheme – and midtown seems tense and joyless. 

I was verbally assaulted by a security guard at the big library on 5th avenue and 42nd st.  She took me for an out-of-town rube and to that end forced me to open my backpack, delaying my exit.  When I glared at her, asking if she would like to look at my [Daily] News, she raised the ante, screaming at me to get out and advising me not to have a happy new year. 

I remember this New York.  In the old days I thrived on such confrontations.  These days I’m out of practice – they not only feel annoying to this re-transplanted Californian, but unnecessary.  I know — I should have my head examined for walking around midtown on December 30th.  Maybe I am a rube…

The best part of New York is the Italian food.  (not the Italians!)  On two consecutive evenings, in the Bronx and the Village respectively, I have had spectacular linguine, first with red clam sauce, and then with white, along with my favorite vegetable, brocoli rabe.  You can’t get that in California.

Not to mention the music.  I heard a great piano trio last night, and after my gig tonight I will end up at my favorite jazz club, Small’s.  In the end there is no denying the greatness of this town.   

Being here in the Christmas season is no bonus.

Posted in life, New York City | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Halloweaning

Posted by keithosaunders on October 31, 2011

Halloween has slipped way down on my depth chart of holidays — it’s still above Purim, but it’s fallen below Columbus Day.  I am the Ebenezer Scrooge of Halloween.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved it as a kid, and I am all for kids having a ball on this candy-laden night.  Trick or treating  is one of our finest traditions, and I, along with the dentists of America, am a hearty proponent of it.

It’s the adults I can’t take.  You mean to tell me that I, a grown man, and a middle-aged one at that, have to go through the stress and ageda of purchasing, or putting together a costume because you invited me to your Halloween party? 

How about no?!

Here’s the thing:  If I’m going to go through the trouble of preparing a costume, and feigning interest in your costume, then the party had better damn well end in an Eyes Wide Shut style orgy or I’m not going! 

You mean I’m supposed to preen around like I’m some kind of extra in a Cecil B. Demille film for three damn hours when I could be home watching the damn Stanford game?!  I don’t think so.

But…since I am a reasonable man, I will make a concession.  You want me at your midlife-crisis kiddy party?  Fine.  Set up a room with a damn TV in it and tune it to the fucking game.  That way when I get tired of prancing around, which will probably take about five minutes, I can have a safe room to escape to.

Oh, and can you put a keg of beer in there too?  Thanks.   

Bah, humbug, put the f***ing game on!

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Let’s hear it for the west

Posted by keithosaunders on August 11, 2011

I’ve driven across the country three times.  The first time, in 1989, took me across on I 70, which meant, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, and on into Nevada and California.  Contrary to what most people had to say, I loved the rolling hills of Eastern Kansas, followed by the stark, pancake-flat western half of the state.  Eastern Colorado was impressive, not for its scenery, but for the fact that you could make out the Rockie mountains from hundreds of miles away. 

Last year we took a northern route — I 90.  This saw us through Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota (the Badlands!), and Wyoming.  We turned south through a corner of Idaho and came down I 15 in northern Nevada, picking up 80 into Cali at Reno.

This year has me splitting the difference, taking I 80.  Contrary to last year, when we took our time and spent a few days sight-seeing, this year we’re trying to get home in a reasonable amount of time.  80 goes from the George Washington Bridge to within a mile of my house in Albany, California, so it is a direct route.

In regards to I 80, the country does not begin to get interesting until you cross the Mississippi River.  Sure, Pennsylvania is a pretty state, but it’s long, and there is so much country ahead of you that you’re mostly concentrating on getting your sea legs for the trip.  Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois, at least the parts that can be viewed from I 80, are bland and chock full of fast food restaurants and factory farms.  Also, the fact that you are tolled every ten miles puts you in a surly mood, negating any beauty you may happen to encounter.

But once you cross the Mississip — BAM – it’s as if the country emerges, Wizard of Oz-like,  from black and white into Technicolor.  The most striking thing is the sky, and how much of it you can see.  It’s as if a giant blue dome has been lowered. 

I love the old Plain States towns — beat up, way-gone, and bursting with character.  You can tell that they were once great places to live.  People built homes and buildings with loving care, and there is still a whiff of that feeling, even in their ghostly modern state. 

Chappell, Nebraska

 

Kimball, Nebraska

 Wyoming…is there a more beautiful state in the union than Wyoming?  Last year we were in Grand Teton, which was a mountain paradise.  This year we are in the southern portion of the state, but it is no less striking.  We pulled off the road at Medicine Bow national forest at a park called Turtle Rock.  We spent an hour among gorgeous rock formations, which we hiked up. 

On the way west there was a thunder-storm which we could see in the distance for miles in advance.  The storm was to the north of us, but we were able to make out a small tornado.

We are currently staying at a hotel in the Rockie Mountains in Rawlings, Wyoming.  Tomorrow we have 250 more miles of Wyoming before we turn south-west into Utah.  We plan on stopping off in Salt Lake City for a respite to view some Mormons before continuing into Nevada.  

This is the life!

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Cajun food and land locked islands

Posted by keithosaunders on August 10, 2011

There’s no doubt about it, when it comes to driving, I am an animal.  I could make this trip once a month.  If i had another driver I could do this in three days, but with my kids with me, and being that I’m the only driver, I am not pushing that late into the evening.  Still, I managed a good 500 miles today, and tomorrow, if I get an early enough start, I envision doing 600. 

To me, the country appears smaller when you drive its length.  Smaller as compared to flying, that is.  Flying never feels real to me — it’s almost magical, the idea that you can traverse the country in a matter of hours.  I’m always pleasantly surprised at how many states you can cover in one day from behind the wheel.  It makes the country seem more tangeable.

The other great thing about road trips is that you’re your own boss.  (assuming the wife isn’t along for the ride)  I decide when to stop, how far to go, and where to stay at night. 

 There’s nothing as infantalizing plane travel – being told when you can stand up, eat, or go to the bathroom.  Not to mention the demeaning aspect of having to remove clothing while being cattle prodded through security. 

 I love seeing these old, beat towns that you would never get to see from the air.  Des Moines, Iowa  has a  beautiful old state building with a golden domed roof. 

 We stopped took a walk around downtown Des Moines.  Even though it’s fairly well maintained, it has many vacant buildings, and aside from a street with three or four nice looking bars, there isn’t much by way of commerce.  You can see from these old towns that the America of todaydoesn’t produce anything.  There are no jobs.  Places like Detroit, Syracuse, and Des Moines, once thriving cities, are now practicallyghost towns.

We had dinner at a Cajun restaurant in Omaha, Nebraska.  I had the shrimp etoufee, which seemed like a good idea at the time, but ten minutes after we had resumed our westward drive, I exited the highway at the first rest stop I saw and sprinted into the MacDonald’s bathroom.

Omaha

Fully revived I pulled back onto route 80 and began scanning around the AM dial for some baseball games.  I was able to pick up games out of Chicago, Kansas City,Colorado, and Minnesota.  We’re in the plain states now so AM reception, particularly at night, promises to be impressive.

We are in the plain states now and everything will be flat as a pancake for the next several hundred miles.  Most people think of these states as being boring and monotonous, but I have always found a kind of stark beauty in them.  I loved the rolling hills of Kansas when I drove through it several years ago.  There is something about how much sky you can see out here that is amazing.  The sky goes all the way to the horizon and it makes the light beautiful and intense.

We’re bedding down at a Super 8 in Grand Island, Nebraska.  Don’t ask me why they call it an island — I’m as land locked as can be.

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

On the road again

Posted by keithosaunders on August 7, 2011

Almost one year to the day that I moved out of New York, I have left on a cross-country road trip; my second in as many years.  Living at my friend’s house in the Bronx for two months while my kids went to camp was great.  I played several gigs, reconnected with old friends, and confirmed that, yes, New York is the greatest city in the world. 

We crossed the George Washington Bridge at 1 PM and eased onto intersate 80.  There we will remain for another 2,800 miles until we hit Buchanon St in Albany, California. 

I am writing this from a Motel 6 in humid Youngstown, Ohio.  I played at the college here twice.  Once with a quartet led by a drummer — Fred Lite — that featured Youngstown St alum, Ralph Lalama on tenor.  The other time I played here was with my band, the NY HardBop Quintet. 

Earlier this evening I was able to pick up staticy radio broadcasts of the Pittsburgh/San Diego game.  The poor Pirates:  After charming the baseball world with their unexpected great first half of the season, they now seem doomed to continue their streak of sub .500 seasons.  I had hopped onto their bandwagon bigtime, but now it seems I will be getting off at the next stop.  I hope they are able to recover, at least enough to be able to end their losing season streak.  At the very least it seems like better times are ahead for this once proud franchise.

I’m driving with my two younger children.  My oldest boy is still at camp where he is a counselor.  Next stop:  Palatine, Illinois, just outside of Chicago, where we will spend two nights and one day at my brother’s house.

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Timing

Posted by keithosaunders on June 30, 2011

So much in life is not what you do, but when you are there.  So much of it is timing.  Think of a hitter at the plate.  He’s got a fraction of a second to decide if the pitch is hittable or not.  Once he decides to swing he has another fraction in which to execute, otherwise the timing is off and he’ll miss.

That’s life.  It’s all about decision and timing.  There have been times in my life where I have been extremely lucky — I would say most of it.  I came to New York, and within a month I was touring Europe with a sax player and his quartet.  I gigged at the Vanguard when I had only been in town for three years. 

I met my wife because I happened to be playing a $30 gig from 11PM-3AM on Saturdays.  I worked there for two years.  I’ve been married for 20 years and have three incredible kids. 

I met my best friend because I happened to go to a Mets-Cubs doubleheader by myslef in late July of 1986.  I was sitting in the upper deck and between games we struck up a conversation.

There are times when it looks as if the stars are about to align and your dream seems attainable, only to have the window slam shut.  Sometimes you don’t even realize it closed until it’s too late. 

But there’s always tomorrow, next month, or next year.  The Brooklyn Dodgers can attest to that.  That’s the thing about timing.  The more you swing and miss, the better you can gauge your next swing.

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Armegeddon on interstate five

Posted by keithosaunders on May 24, 2011

I just returned from a long weekend with my kids visiting my father in Las Vegas.  We had a good time, even though it was a lot of driving.  To get to Vegas from the Bay Area, you must travel over 100 miles out of your way south on interstate five, then turn east through a mountain pass on route 58, before turning north on interstate 15.  Around the horn.  There is no direct route – the Sierras get in the way.  Consequently, it takes nine hours — really ten, because you have to stop to eat.

It was shocking to see just how much the gas stations on the California interstates price gouge.  Stations were charging $4.5o a gallon and up.  At one station, just south of Baker, CA, I paid $4.99!  It was like living in Europe minus the health care.  Once you arrive in Vegas, gas goes down to a manageable $3.78.

On Saturday, everybody was talking about the rapture guy.   Even my 10-year-old daughter was talking rapture.  It was in the air. 

In the meantime I was spending the afternoon talking to my Dad while the kids were at the pool.  Like many senior citizens, my Dad has vivid memories of his childhood and young adulthood.  I love to listen to his stories of family history, as well as his life story.  I feel that I get a whiff of what New York was like in the old days, as well as a feeling of connection to those in my family that I never knew. 

I mention this because in the back of my mind, while my Dad was talking about family history, I couldn’t help but make a connection with the end of the world. After all, at 84 he is nearing the end of his life.  It got me thinking about the end of things — about having everything behind you, as opposed to in front.  I wasn’t sad, but perhaps a little melancholy.

Of course I didn’t take the rapture threat seriously, as you can tell from the tone of my previous post, but I felt anger towards this person who started the rumor.  Once a story such as this it is out there, and especially once  it is media-driven, it is impossible not to at least consider the possibility, albeit infinitesimal, of it being true.

And for that, I would like to slap this guy.  How dare he put these thoughts into my daughter’s head, let alone my own?  Life is stressful enough, as evidenced by the gas prices I had to pay on the way to Vegas.  (and we only drove because plane tickets were $300)  Why should we have to dwell on Armageddon when we have enough agida already in our lives.

Like the f&^%ng idiot New York Mets owner!

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Keitho’s guide to the rapture

Posted by keithosaunders on May 21, 2011

Wake up.

Have favorite breakfast (dry cereal and coffee)

Remember to set fantasy lineups on off-chance that I can move into first place before the flood.

Watch Bay Area series, Subway series, and Mavericks vs Thunder, so that I will be able to give all the folks in heaven an up to the minute sports update.

Listen to My Favorite Things

Watch a few episodes of the Honeymooners and Curb Your Enthusiasm

Forgive that flute player for dragging me out to Davenport, Iowa in 1993 for one gig, driving all night non-stop from New York City, and docking my pay $25.00 for oversleeping and being ten minutes late to the soundcheck.

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

My Charlie Brown moment

Posted by keithosaunders on April 4, 2011

When it comes to the little guy dealing with large corporations the deck is stacked.  My recent escapade switching from the DISH network to ATT Uverse has me feeling like a class A sap.  Of course I have no one to blame but myself, but this is a small consolation.

Two months ago I was solicited at my door by a sweet, middle-American-looking woman and her young acolyte, to accept a phone-cable-internet bundle from ATT Uverse.  Since we were in need of a land line here in Albany, California — our cell reception here is terrible – and the DISH Network is an awful satellite provider, I allowed these seemingly benign ladies into my kitchen.  There they remained, for the next hour setting us up with the dream package of phone, cable, and high-speed internet. 

We were concerned about having to pay a penalty to DISH for early cancellation of service.  “Let me call them for you,” our salesman cooed,  ”perhaps we can work out an arrangement.” 

She phoned the DISH network, and after a few minutes she informed us that there would indeed be a penalty of $300, but that ATT would send us a coupon for $250 to offset the bulk of the expense.  That’s a cracker jack deal for me –  I signed on the dotted line. 

Our services, after some scheduling snafus, were installed, and then the fun began.  When I phoned the DISH network to cancel our service, they said they had never heard of my friendly neighborhood Uverse rep.  They did, however want their $300, and they would send a box for me to pack the satellite equipment in, for which I would pay for the postage. 

What about the dish on the roof?  “Sir, if you want us to send a technician to disassemble the DISH we will have to charge you for a service call.” 

When I phoned ATT, they too had never heard from my rep. as well as the aforementioned coupon.  I had her name on the invoice, but they were unimpressed and told me in curt tones that there was nothing they could do.

I had fallen for the old bait and switch.  Corporations give us the illusion that we are shrewd consumers for opting for bundled packages when in fact, we, the consumers, are mere dupes in a high-tech shell game.  It would take a doctorate in calculus to decipher and break down these bills.  Who knows how much money we are spending?  All we know is that it’s excessive, and that customer service is limited at best.

I realize that I am the one who is at fault for being so gullible.  I fancy myself a savvy ex-New Yorker — as someone who has been around the block a few times.  Who am I kidding?  I’m just Charlie Brown to their Lucy.

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

 
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