The World According to Keitho

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

It’s not the joke, it’s how you tell it

Posted by keithosaunders on January 31, 2011

So much in life depends on conviction.  It’s often true that what you say matters less than how you say it.  A politician will not win an election unless the voters believe in his or her campaign promises.  How many of us will take the time, or have the wherewithal to check on the validity of his platform?  We take his word for it based on gut feelings.

When I lived in New York I would often go to my neighborhood bar to watch the Monday night football games.  One of the regulars, John, was an affable local hipster who was able to pontificate on any subject in great detail.  He used to regale us with tales of the gold standard, foreign policy, and outrageous political conspiracy theories.  I would nod good-naturedly and let him go on, a little skeptical, but not wanting to cause a fuss in this affable setting.

One day he told us that the saxophonist Sonny Rollins had written the composition, A Night In Tunisia, and during the recording  he had played a famous four bar break that was since unequaled.  I happen to know that Tunisia was written by Dizzy Gillespie and that the famous four bar break was played by Charlie Parker.   John had told the story with such confidence that nobody but a jazz aficionado could contradict him.  It was the same tonality he had used while discussing politics and finance. 

Today I came across a clip of the Today Showfrom 1994 in which Bryant Gumble and Katie Couric discussed this new craze called “the internet.”  To their credit they did not try to pretend that they knew what it was, but notice the conviction they used when asserting certain “facts.”  For instance Couric stated that people had used the internet to communicate when the phone lines went out after the Northridge earthquake.  “I thought you needed a phone to connect to the internet,” Gumble asked.  “No,” Katie replied.  But of course this was years before wireless connections were available.  The number of people who would have been able to get online without a modem would have been negligible.

I have come to the conclusion that half of the battle of life is convincing people that you know what you’re talking about.  Mix in one-quarter of ability, and one-quarter of luck and you’ll have a successful life.

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Nurture vs torture

Posted by keithosaunders on January 12, 2011

Yesterday I came across an article in the Wall Street Journal that is among the most provocative I have ever seen.  It is written by a Yale professor named Amy Chua, a first generation American whose parents are ethnic Chinese who grew up in the Philipines.  The article is titled Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior and serves as the thesis for her latest book, Battle Hymm of the Tiger Mother.

Chua’s thesis is that Chinese parents produce successful children because of hyper-strict discipline which is instilled in a stern, yet loving environment.  Here is the reader’s digest version:    

1) Nothing is fun until you’re good at it.  To that end hours of practice is required at the expense of leisure time.  (playdates and sleepovers are not allowed)  Parents demand good grades from their children because they believe they can get them.

2) Parents believe their children owe them everything.  The parents have sacrificed much, putting in long hours tutoring, interrogating, and even spying on their kids.  Their children, in effect are born into debt.

3)Parents believe they know what’s best which therefore overrides their children’s own desires and preferences.

The article has to be read to be believed.  My brief synopsis does not do it justice.  Chua’s parenting is so humorless, totalitarian, and unforgiving, that at some point I began to wonder if whether I was missing the point.  Could the article be satire? 

She begins with a series of bullet points detailing activities that are forbidden to her children.

• attend a sleepover

• have a playdate

• be in a school play

• complain about not being in a school play

• watch TV or play computer games

• choose their own extracurricular activities

• get any grade less than an A

• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama

 • play any instrument other than the piano or violin

• not play the piano or violin.

It is a list worthy of a Simpson’s episode.  The article has a surreal quality to it and it straddles the line between pursuit of greatness through endless repetition and a sardonic nightmare from which there is no escape.

Chua states that Chinese parents can get away with things that Americans cannot.  As a child she was called “garbage” by her father when she misbehaved.  She in turn directed this same epitaph at her own daughter.  Chua, however, sounds surprised that after recounting this anecdote at a dinner party she was immediately ostracized. 

For me this does not add up.  Chua, an American, must have known this story would be offensive to most people.  She also must realize, that on some level, her method of parenting borders on abuse.  I have to wonder how much of this book is a testament to narcissism and/or an effort to justify her abuse. 

The article pushes buttons and it opens several cans of worms, not the least of which is racism.  Are we to believe that the Chinese are a super race possessing super-human amounts of concentration and talent?  Or are we supposed to be repelled and feel superior in some way?  Either way it is unsettling and I have to wonder what Chua hopes to gain

As a pianist I was offended by Chua’s badgering of her daughter to practice.  Her seven-year old girl, who clearly had no inclination towards music was frustrated with a difficult piece. 

“Get back to the piano now,” I ordered

“You can’t make me.”

“Oh yes, I can.”

Even Chua’s husband tries to intervene, taking Chua aside and asking her not to insult their daughter.  Chua persists, threatening her daughter with no lunch, dinner, and Christmas presents.  Finally she  threatens to give her doll house away to charity and this, she proudly recounts, does the trick.  The girl learns the piece and Chua puts another notch into her parenting belt.

I’m filled with a mixture of admiration and revulsion.  I admire her conviction and courage.  Right now, with the article having gone viral on the net, she is public enemy number one among parents.  I have read dozens of comments rebutting her screed, most of which are thoughtful and well written.  I have read very few that I would consider ‘flames’ and none that are racist.  I have to give it up to her for having the guts to  lay herself open for attack — she must have known it was coming.

On the other hand, perhaps she is courageous like a fox.  Everyone is talking about this article and book.  This can only translate into one thing…sales.

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Aloha

Posted by keithosaunders on December 24, 2010

I’m in Hawaii for Christmas.  Wasn’t there an Elvis song, Blue Hawaii?  Well that’s me this year; just me and The King.  I’m not going to waste your time describing what it’s like — you know the drill — tropical climate, the Leis, the Hulas, the Luaus, the one-armed, double-jointed stewardess.  Wait, did I go one too many?

A few points of interest are worth noting and then we’ll forget this ever happened.  After arriving at Kona Airport my sons and I drove one of the rental cars while my wife, ex-neighbor, and daughter took the other one.  Naturally, being guys, the  first thing we did was to check out the local radio stations.   First station,  reggae; second station, reggae; third station, smooth jazz; fourth station, reggae.  We even heard Christmas reggae music. 

“We wish you a reggae Christmas and a reggae New Year!” 

It’s a little too much, if you ask me.  There’s no jazz here, only of the smooth variety, and that’s not jazz, but Muzak to my ears. 

I don’t know how real sports fans live here.  Besides the fact that there are no pro local teams, with the earlier time zone the basketball and hockey games all begin at 2PM and are over with with by 9PM.  What do you do after that…listen to reggae? 

There is one perc, however.  This Sunday the Giants play a huge game in Green Bay against the Packers.  The game begins at 8AM Hawaiian time.  The way things are playing out I’ll be able to watch the entire game without disrupting my families’ plans.  I am da winnah.

Posted in basketball, football, life, music | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The war on Christmas: The gift that keeps on giving!

Posted by keithosaunders on December 23, 2010

One of my favorite things about this time of year is the ongoing war on Christmas.  Like Iraq and Afghanistan, it is a war with no end in sight.  Like a Bill Clinton speech it goes on and on, causing both liberals and conservatives to collapse in an irate heap at the side of the yuletide road. 

I thought that the WOC had died down until I came across this peach of an article in the Washington Post.  To summarize, Nina Totenberg, a legal correspondent from NPR’s All Things Considered,  was appearing on a show called “Inside Washington.”  During a discussion about tax cuts she threw in an anecdote:

“I was at — forgive the expression – a Christmas party at the Department of Justice,” she said, going on to explain how guests there were worried about the impact of spending cuts.

This [almost apologetic] reference to Christmas was red meat for conservative pundits and bloggers.  It was gold, for Christ’s sake!  Oops…pardon the expression. 

Then, the backtracking!  Totenberg defended herself by saying how much she adored the Christmas holiday and that her usage of the term ‘pardon the expression’ was ironic — that she was tweaking the Department of Justice. 

Well isn’t that just meta.   How many layers of irony do we have to cut through to follow these shows?  Come on, Nina, why not come clean and admit that you are at war with Christmas.  And while I’m at it, why do you hate America?

I thought that the War on Christmas ™ was yesterday’s news.  Wasn’t it three or four years ago when Bill O’Reilly went on a rampage against the politically correct ‘Happy Holidays’ crowd?  Apparently I was wrong.  The shrapnel from the Totenberg incident is spreading far and wide across this great, yet divided nation.

Now for a surprise.  I am officially entering the war…on the side of Christmas!  You know what?  It’s not that big of a deal to say Merry Christmas.  First of all, it’s anything but a religious holiday — Madison Avenue saw to that many years ago.  That said, it’s not a bad thing to have a day of the year where families get together and eat like Romans.  What’s the harm?  There ‘s corny music, great food, and plenty of alcohol.  

I’m a Jew who is not offended by Christmas.  Maybe if the Maccabees had a little more personality we would be fighting the War on Hanukkah.  So I say to you all from my podium at World of Keitho, Merry Christmas to one and all!

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

You can’t go home again

Posted by keithosaunders on November 25, 2010

I’m writing from Las Vegas where I am visiting my Dad.  I was happy to able to avoid humiliation at the hands of the TSA by driving down instead of flying.  The road is where I thrive and if I never had to fly again it would be OK with me.  

Funny thing about driving from San Francisco to Las Vegas;  there is no direct route.  You have to drive miles out of your way because there isn’t a road that cuts through southeast through the San Gabriel Mountains.  You end up driving around the horn and it is a 10 hour trip.  On my way, in order to break up the driving, I stopped off in my hometown of Los Angeles and had dinner with some old friends at a restaurant in Sherman Oaks.  (I couldn’t believe that Hamburger Hamlet is still there right around the corner on Van Nuys blvd!) 
 

I could not resist stopping off at the house on Runnymede street where I grew up in Van Nuys.  It was my first time seeing it since my folks sold it in 1993.  Driving down Sherman Way was jarring and sad.  Almost every store is different.  I don’t know why I would have expected otherwise.  In New York I lived on Broadway and 108th street from 1987-90.  Ten years later almost every store had turned over.  
 
The first thing that struck me about my old block was how wide it seemed.  Isn’t that odd?  Things are supposed to appear smaller to you once you’ve grown up.  This was probably due to having lived in the east for so long where streets are narrow.  The street itself was still pretty with lots of large, leafy trees and plenty of flower gardens.  The upkeep of the houses were hit and miss.  Some were surprisingly nice looking.  Mine wasn’t.  In the front yard, where once had been a rose-bush, were overgrown weeds.  The house had been painted an ugly shade of dark brown.  Brown!   Once, during a storm, a tree fell on the side of the house.  We had replaced it with a baby tree which had thrived and tripled in size by the time we moved out.  That tree had been cut down. 

The ivy at the neighbor’s house across the street, where we lost dozens, if not hundreds of baseballs, was gone as was the ivy next door.  I guess the California ivy craze is officially over.   I went to the back where our basketball court had been, where once I had listened to Vin Scully announce June Dodger games while shooting free throws.  I still remember the radio sponsors –  the Olympia beer jingle and the Farmer John slogan are forever embedded in my psyche.  There was a cement wall which still exists but it looked pretty run down back there.  No one was home so I didn’t get to see the inside.
 
Then I went two houses down to see if our neighbor still lived there.  It looked like nobody was home but all of a sudden a car pulled up and there she was!  She didn’t recognize me at first but she was surprised and happy to see me.  She invited me in and made me breakfast.  Her house looked much as I remembered it — the back yard almost exactly.  The best part was that even though she must be 80 she appears to be vibrant and in good health.  

 Here at my Dad’s we have been looking at tons of old photos.  I have seen several of old school friends, as well as family photos taken years before I was born.  Some even go back to the turn of the century.  How amazing to see old New York addresses on the photo paper — addresses I knew well from my years in that city.

There was a photo of my 6th grade class at Hazeltine Elementary School with Mrs Willet.  I couldn’t remember the names of most of the people but I recognized, Nancy Weiss, Peter Martin, Jim Ararian, and Richard Docherty.  My Dad, though he is 83 and cannot remember what he ate for dinner last night,  puts me to shame in the memory department.  When we looked at the photos of his boyhood Camp Mohaph he remembered almost every name.  
 
So it’s been somewhat of a melancholy trip for me.  It’s great to see old friends, as well as my father, but sad to think of the time that has elapsed and all the people who aren’t in our lives any more. 

No matter, it’s time for turkey.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Just say no to air travel

Posted by keithosaunders on November 20, 2010

Enough is enough.  The TSA has made it clear to us that they will have their way with our bodies, whether it be by radiation exposure or excessive groping of genitalia.  Let’s face it, the experience of air travel has long ceased to be anything approaching glamorous, let alone tolerable.  Let’s exercise our last line of recourse and vote with our pocket books.  

If enough of us refused to fly the airlines would feel compelled to offer incentives as a way of drawing us back.  Number one on their priority would almost certainly be expunging the TSA from the airports and replacing them with private security.   

Since that alone would not be enough to entice this jaded traveller to return I am offering my own list of incentives.

1)  Elimination of charges for checking luggage. 

2) Ability to fully refund my ticket up to 7 days prior to flying

3) A guarantee that when I purchase a ticket that I will have a seat waiting for me.  This means that when I purchase my ticket I immediately have an assigned seat.

4) Price of in-air food decreased by 50%.

5) Two in-air drinks for the price of one.

6)  In case of flight delays exceeding 30 minutes passengers receive a $50 voucher which can be used towards future flight purchase.

7) In case of delays upwards of 60 minutes passengers receive $80 in airport VIP lounge script and lunch with John Elway. 

I’m negotiable on point 7.

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Fear of flying

Posted by keithosaunders on November 17, 2010

Just in time for the holiday rush the TSA has rolled out the nude body scanning machines, allowing security officials to see through clothing.  Passengers may opt out of the scanners, but up to this point less than 1% have done so.  This is not surprising since opting out means enduring an invasive  pat-down complete with genital groping.  You get the feeling that if the TSA  had the technology to do it fast enough they would go ahead and submit us all to full cavity searches.

There is nothing easy about airline travel, which is an ordeal on par with root canal.  For me, the biggest indignity is being made to feel like a criminal simply by my possession of an airline ticket.  With every security breakdown we travellers are subjected to more and more nonsense.  From taking off our shoes and belts, not being able to bring water into the terminal, to having to endure groping by high-school graduate, would-be jack booted thugs.  Can that retina scanners be far in our future?

Today I read of a passenger named John Tyner who opted out of the scanners.  During the pat-down, when it became clear that the agent was about to touch his groin he said, “If you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested.”  This kicked off a series of consultations with supervisors that resulted in Tyner not being able to fly and being ejected from the airport.  His ordeal is detailed in his blog post and is worth reading. 

Most disturbing of all is what I read yesterday in Salon in Glenn Greenwald’s column.   He wrote,

 …the TSA called a news conference to announce that it was formally investigating Tyner to determine whether to impose $11,000 in fines on him.  

Nothing about Tyner’s protest was threatening, violent, or belligerent.  This kind of reaction makes me wonder if we are living in a proto-fascist state.  The message is clear:  Do not make waves if you know what’s good for you.

   

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

After three months

Posted by keithosaunders on November 15, 2010

This year should have been known to me as the year I turned 50.  Instead I’ll always remember 2010 as the year I moved from New York City to San Francisco.  The first half of the year was filled with stress and tension.  In January we knew there was a good chance we were going to have to move and by the middle of March it was definite.  The remaining four months in New York were spent vainly attempting to rent and sell our apartment, packing up, and most gut-wrenchingly of all, saying goodbye to our friends.

Finally August 7th arrived and we were off on our cross-country trip.  That trip was one of my great experiences and it was well documented on this blog.  (all done on my iphone from different motels across the country)  For me it was like an enormous load off of my shoulders to have the buildup and the goodbyes over with and life on the road felt light and carefree. 

Now that I’ve been in the Bay Area for a quarter of a year and have my sea legs I have to admit that I’m enjoying life here.  It’s a beautiful part of the country — we’ve got hills all around us with plenty of places to hike, and San Francisco is a 20 minute drive or BART trip away.  I have begun to gig and am meeting more musicians each week.  I’m enjoying the newness of it.  Unlike the first half of the year when almost everything I did was for the last time, now I do things for the first time. 

Finally I have some use for all of the years of dues paying in New York City.  They seasoned me and toughened me and the result is that I am not intimidated easily.  I am still, by nature, shy and introverted, but never when I’m playing.  It’s a lot different than when I first moved to New York at which time I was unsure of myself and filled with anxiety.   

So far so good.

Posted in life, San Francisco | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Introducing…the slo-ster!

Posted by keithosaunders on October 16, 2010

You say you want toast *and* you want 8 hours of sleep?  Introducing…the Slo-toaster! 

Bread goes into the slo-ster before you go to bed — eight hours later you awake to….toast!

Cathy from Wisconsin writes:  Why wouldn’t you just put a clock on the toaster so that you could start it automatically at Xpm?  Otherwise, what you’ll get in the morning is a pile of crumbs that resemble volcanic ash in texture.

Our crack R & D staff has seen to it that this will never happen!  You see, while you are sleeping, 455 little metal arms housed within the titanium shell of the slo-ster slowly massage the toast, creating a golden-brown, crisp texture.  The toast is not only delicious, but super-relaxed!

Listen to what our satisfied customers have to say:  ”I went away on a two-week cruise and returned to the best damn piece of toast I ever had!

 “Since the Slo-Toaster came into my life I’ve finally been able to sleep through the night without the anxiety of having to wake up and make toast!

‎”Today’s toast . . . Tomorrow!”

Posted in life | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Not my finest hour in the kitchen

Posted by keithosaunders on September 8, 2010

Lately I’ve been getting into cooking dinners for my family.  For the most part I’ve done a good job.  A little internet searching usually yields a simple enough recipe for my culinary skill-set, and if I’m really ambitious I’ll even make a sauce.

Tonight I improvised a mexican sauce for steak by adding cilantro, garlic, chile sauce, and lime juice into the blender.  I set my phasor on stun and fired it up.  (actually it was the blender and it was set to puree) I added the sauce to the steak, put it in the oven at 450, and went about my business.

15 minutes later I checked on the steak only to see it was still rare.  I went to the freezer to get some ice for my water and wouldn’t you know it, the handle was loose and came ajar.  I tried to set it back in place and ended up gashing my index finger on the loose metal. 

There’s always that split second after the cut where you are hoping against hope that the cut isn’t a deep one.  I held my breath to no avail.  The blood came gushing out like old faithful.  I Was like Dan Aykroyd as Julie Child in that old Saturday Night Live skit.  By the time I finished with the washing and bandaging of my finger the steak was over-cooked.  Like leather.  The pity was that the sauce came out good and received rave reviews from my kids.  I spent the dinner trying to cut my steak with the knife precariously propped against my thumb.  I’m lucky I didn’t do any further damage to my hands. 

On a happier note I would like to wish a happy birthday to the greatest living sax player, Sonny Rollins!   Sonny is one of my all time favorites and I spent a good part of today on Pandora listening to his music.  He is 80 years old today. 

  

Posted in jazz, life | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.